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Dispatches on Hotel Stationery

by The Gherkins

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1.
When I was a young boy, thought I might go out to space. When I became a man, I saw reality. When I found you, I learned what love could be but someone's always gotta try to ruin it for everybody. You can't jump in the water and not get wet. You can't jump off the roof and not come back to earth. You can stare at the sun all you like, but you'll still be a clown and might develop poor eyesight. When I got up that morning, I thought it might be the end of the world. Had another few thousand mornings since that day. I'd like to live to see another few thousand before I leave this place but we all gotta learn to put the knives away. You can't jump in the water and not get wet. You can't jump off the roof and not expect to break a bone or two. You can stare at the sun all you like, but you'll still be a clown and probably go blind. I like to see a clown fall down on his face, the cosmic joke of the whole human race. Pushing on the pull door always struck a pleasing melody-de-dah We're all just one big happy mafia.
2.
Built a river of steel Through golden valleys Winding along the northwest To the ocean Is it wrong for me To feel downhearted While we weather the storm And everything else gets Washed away? Dream on, dear Patricia I will sing for days for your supper All these migraines Like spikes on so many tracks All this sacrifice No way of turning back Dream on, dear Patricia I will sing for days for your supper Northern Coast come on carry me home Travelers Rest for my weary bones All I know is all you know Now she's got four little ones with that Air Force boy He likes his drink too much. I hope he makes her happy. Dream on, dear Patricia I will sing for days for your supper.
3.
Mama always told me there'd be days like this. Lavender and a strawberry kiss. If I could get just one last wish, it'd be for more times like this. Remove Away Move along Easily Daddy never told me there'd be days like this. Interest rates and mortgages. Some days the face Some days the fist Wish I could fix things like him. Babe I'm always gonna be like this. A broken heart for your heavenly bliss. If I could get that one last wish, I'd fix all the things I did. Don't want to be a stranger to you.
4.
5.
Mr. Lee 03:07
6.
If there's a man among ye, come and fight like the men you're supposed to be. You can call me a privateer, like my girl Anne Bonny I slip my fingers into your coin purse Who knows what I might find? Calico Jack has got my back, so whattchu wanna do, sailor, whatchu wanna do? Baby oh baby Swinging from a rope Tie you to the anchor And over you go Twenty meters off the port bow White sails on a red sunset Got a load of goods and got a load of rum Panama, Vera Cruz, Cartagena The sun always sets on the sea It's where it rises that sets me free From Nassau down to Kingston town Farewell and adieu to you, Spanish ladies Windy old weather and stormy old weather My crew's got my back forever Windy old weather and stormy old weather You and your crew can die forever Baby oh baby Swinging from a rope Tie you to the anchor And over you go Baby oh baby You've got a lot to learn Smoke and splinters There's always money to burn
7.
Well you moved into a house In Northern Cali, I think With a bank safe and a bar in the basement. Robert Redford was there and so was Ryan Stiles. I told 'em "thanks for the good times" as we piled into the van. I was gonna say Thanks for inviting me to hang with ol' Butch Cassidy So I could tell him how much I liked his documentary And I was hoping that the band might play there some day. But it was just a dream, so thanks for nothing. We were all in a hotel. It was dirty and kind of run down. Casey and Sanjaya accidentally ran over Maya Rudoph's dog. Later on in the fallout, I lost the kid in the crowd. A giant monster pregnant horse tried to kill me. I was gonna say Thanks for inviting me to hang with ol' Butch Cassidy So I could tell him how much I liked his documentary And I was hoping that the band might play there some day. But it was just a dream, so thanks for nothing. The last time I saw the boulders must have been in my teens. The tanks rolling in and crushing the daisies. Always seeing giant horses, strange faces, and stranger places. Sometimes I hang with Donald Sutherland and tell him he's cool. I was gonna say Thanks for inviting me to hang with ol' Butch Cassidy So I could tell him how much I liked his documentary And I was hoping that the band might play there some day. But it was just a dream, so thanks for nothing.
8.
don't look to me for direction I'm just as lost as all the rest if you're looking for the answers there's little I can suggest we're all trapped here no way in and no way out few of us had the means but more had their doubts we are stuck here a million long-lost dreamers we get no answers but we keep putting out feelers children of no one orphaned by our fears give hope to the hopeless Swiss army pill stuck in a bad place bullets and cannonballs looking to the skies for that magic cure-all nobody's gonna save you they're moving in for the kill now would be a hell of a time for a Swiss army pill easy answers recliner chairs all expenses paid round trip fare mint condition walk downhill living in a dream Swiss army pill
9.
We had a good run, guess I can't complain. We had some good times and some bad ones, but time has come to change the way things run so let's close the curtain one last time. We had a good run, hope you feel the same. It'd be a shame to be for nothing. When said and done, you know we had our fun and now the piper must be paid. The point of no return has long been past. We probably should have learned a lesson. The deal is done. There's nowhere we can run. You know it's all come off the rails. Now that it's over and the end is nigh, who'll come to sweep up all the wreckage? Some say the wheels came off a bit too soon. Some say they came off just in time.

about

This ain't the Gherkins second album!

It's not often a band gets to make a second album twice. During the post-production of what was meant to be their sophomore effort, our heroes dove head first into the 2021 RPM Challenge with intentions of making a stop-gap EP. What materialized is the album you are currently pouring into your ear holes. Yes, The Gherkins somehow managed to release a second, second record prior to their first second album.

Dispatches on Hotel Stationery is a long-lost love letter to 1990's alternative rock, a genre that died in the early 2000's. Recorded and mostly written in 28 days as part of the RPM challenge, this album presents our view on humanity's struggle with itself, the futility of creating things in the destructive force of time, pirates, dreams, and how things can always get stranger. Best enjoyed with dim lighting and a tall glass of forlorn nostalgia.

credits

released February 27, 2021

Starring:

Chris Scharling as Kirk Gherkin - vocals, electric and acoustic guitars, drum programming, percussion, piano, Wurlitzer, harmonica.
Martin Scott as Dirk Gherkin - bass, organ, electric guitars.

All songs written by Chris Scharling and Martin Scott (Brine Jar Music, ASCAP).

Mixed by Chris Scharling.

Produced by The Gherkins.

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about

The Gherkins Richmond, Virginia

The Gherkins are a power duo from Virginia and Arizona. Chris Scharling and Martin Scott met a lifetime ago in college where they played in various groups but—outside of a one-off birthday party—never as band mates.

In the years since, Chris continued to make music while Marty focused on various other artistic avenues such as graphic design, zines, and electronics.
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